"I'm on my way to Beck's RV soon. God I hope everything will turn out good! I am going to tell him the truth today. The truth I have been hiding from him for so long, well about a month. He really needs to know that I am bi. I hope he will accept it and still love me. This does sound a little cheesy doesn't it? Oh who cares, no one will EVER read this. I can write what ever I want! Alright well I should really get going. Ugh this thing is so stupid! " I briskly wrote into my new diary. The old one was full so I burnt it. No one knew about it, not even Beck, and I really want to keep it that way! It would be extremely embarrassing if anyone knew about it. This diary was the only thing I could truly open up to. I put it away were I always put it, in plain sight yet hidden so well, with the rest of my school books. After it was stored away, I grabbed my car keys and purse and stormed out of my house. As I was driving to Beck's place, I grew tense and actually kind of scared. Jade West? Scared?! Unimaginable right?! Well, I am, I would never admit it to anyone but I sometimes get scared. It rarely happens. This is one of the few times it has happened. I parked in Beck's driveway. I swallowed my fear as I knocked on his door, but it kept on coming back out , choking me slowly. I felt sick but didn't show it on the outside. I'm good at containing things... really good. Beck opened the door, his beautiful smile stretched across his face with innocence.
"Hey sweet hea-" he managed to say before I cut him off.
"How many times have I told you not to call me that?" I said in a fierce voice but my face smiled gleefully. Beck laughed and smiled motioning me to step inside his RV.
" Babe, I need to tell you something" Beck said. He sat on the edge of his bed with a serious look on his face.
"M-me too" I said with slight hesitation. The fear was showing I couldn't hold it in much longer. " You first Beck."
"Well, I-I'm gay..." he muttered with his head down and his face bright red. I was shocked. I would never suspect Beck of all people to be like that.
" How!? Why!? Since when?!" I shouted in shock not knowing what else to say. At that moment I decided not to tell him about me being bi, that way he wouldn't use it against me to win the argument.
"I really don't know how or why but for about a month now..." he was embarrassed, probably felt like shooting himself, I know the feeling. "I just didn't want to hide it from you anymore Jade. I'm sorry." I really wanted to know if he still loved me but I was afraid to ask. The only thing I could say was " So your a full blown gay?! Meaning no interest in girls what so ever!?"
"...yeah..." he was ashamed.
" Do you still love me?..." I said in a weak voice. I was scared to hear his answer. I remained calm though, and mad!
" I'm sorry, but I don't think so..." he murmured. At this point my heart was shattered, well if I had a heart it would be shattered. " Are you mad at me?" he asked with sympathy.
" Um yes!!!!" I replied. "If you don't love me then our relationship is over!"
" I'm ok with that." he said. This made me furious! The rage made me want to smack him, but I didn't.
"YOU JACKA--!!!!!!" I screamed at him bursting out his door.
As I drove home I kept thinking. Thinking about how our "news" was practically the same and that I shouldn't be this mad because that is being hypocritical. Well, I guess the difference was that I still loved him and he didn't love me. That hurt alot. But I guess I shouldn't love what doesn't love back. I was confused, before I knew it I realized I passed my house by 5 miles. I got pissed like usual and turned around. When I got home the first thing I did was slam the door and changed my relationship status on TheSlap.com. It kinda felt good being single again. Drowsy and tired, I stumbled into bed and before I knew it I was out like a light.
I was checking TheSlap like I always do every night before I doze off into "Cat land". I came across both Beck and Jade's relationship status changes. Jade single?! This made my heart beat like crazy! More than it does when I see chocolate bunnies!! I think I was actually falling in love with Jade. Either that or I am going crazy! Well I wonder what happened between them. I was concerned about it. Beck is online so I will talk to him! Good idea Cat you are so smart! I accidentally said that out loud, oops ! I started the conversation like I always do:
"Hey hey there Beck! ^_^"
"Hey Cat. What's up?"
" Oh nothing, I just saw that you and Jade broke up.
Why? You two were so cute together!" I typed that, but honestly I was jealous of Beck. He got to hold Jade in his strong arms, caress her, kiss her, and he was even able to make love with her! This made me outraged just thinking about what he had and gave up.
"Oh well I really don't feel like talking about it right now."
you can always tell me anything Beck! I'm always here for you!"
"Well, just talk to Jade in the morning or something ok? Have her explain everything to you and then I will clear everything up for you. Ok Cat?"
"Awww but Jade is hard to talk to! Whatever, I can deal with it!!! Are you alright? Is Jade alright?" I really wanted to know if Jade was okay. I really want Jade to be happy.
" Haha yeah I'm fine but Jade didn't really take it to well..."
"Awww I feel bad for her
"Me too I guess. I got to go though, talk to you tomorrow at school."
" Kk Bye!"
Beck logged off. I was really surprised about this. All that mattered to me was that Jade, my best friend, was available to me now and I loved it. As I plopped into bed I thought of Jade's beautiful hazel blue eyes and her long flowing brown and colored, shiny, soft hair. I dozed off into "Cat land" before I even knew it.
Ring ring ring! My alarm clock rang irritatingly. I slammed my fist down on it to make stop, it didn't. I slammed my fist down on it harder and it nearly broke, but it turned off. I was relieved, my alarm clock is the most irritating sound I have ever heard, next to Trina's singing. Today, all I wanted to do was sleep and when I don't get what I want, I would be in a terrible mood. Weary and stubborn, I rolled out of bed and grabbed some clothes to take a shower. But before I proceeded to the bathroom, I checked my phone. I had just received a text from Cat about 5 minutes ago that read "Hey Jade! Sorry to bother you so early but what happened between you and Beck" Cat took it literally when Beck had told her to talk to her in the morning. I replied " I'll pick you up ten minutes earlier then usual on our way to school and explain it to you then, alright?" Before I could even set my phone down, it vibrated, another text from Cat. It read "Okie Dokie!". I sighed. Sometimes Cat says really stupid things. Oh well I have to deal with it sometimes I guess. I thought to myself as I set my phone down and hurried to get ready for school.
I want to look really pretty for Jade today. But I feel so rushed. I did it anyways, for Jade. I really want to make her like me! She is so pretty and makes my heart stop! I was looking for an outfit that would really make Jade notice me. And I found it! It was a adorable little dress that shouted "hot and cute!". I skipped off to the bathroom to take a shower and try it on! I couldn't wait for today! After a very relaxing shower I was hurrying to throw it on! I didn't want to make Jade mad at me for making her wait. It was a black and blood red dress, Jade's favorite colors, but mostly black. It wasn't formal at all, it was short with spaghetti straps and was v necked. The straps were red and the bottom of the dress was red too. It had a red bow in the center of the v neck. The best part was I found some black and red horizontal stripped knee length socks to match the dress! It looked so pretty! This will get her attention for sure! I said that out loud... again. I always talks to myself even when I am brushing my teeth or doing homework. I know that I would be listening to myself talk for sure! After I did my hair and make up, I ran outside to see if Jade was there. She had just pulled into my drive way. I had to remember to lock the door behind me because my parents and brother went on vacation! They left the house to me for 2 weeks! I feel so responsible! Jade hollered at me as I was locking the door " Are you coming or what!?" I couldn't help but to smile. She was so adorable when she was mad. "I'm coming!!" I replied skipping over to her black 1968 stingray corvette. She had the windows rolled down and the t-top opened. I hoped in the front seat eager to sit next to my crush. This was going to be a good day!